A Wednesday Wedding

Those moments when your heart just seems to overflow...those moments are special. Priceless. I want to bottle up those times of overflow so I can have it as a reminder during those times my heart feels completely, utterly empty.

I have been in both places recently...not in a bipolar sort of way, but due to situations in life, have experienced overflow and emptiness in the past two weeks. I recently received some news...which, if I am honest, actually broke my heart. It is a humbling, heartbreaking thing when others point out your flaws that you are actively "working on." Being aware of your flaws, only to have others pick them apart, was a blow, to say the least. Thankfully, before I could throw a pity party, other life events happened...like going to Huntsville for a very special occasion. Adam and Michelle got married! 

Getting the chance to watch my wonderful cousin--and friend--marry the love of her life, was fantastic. Michelle and Adam started out friends, and through God's providence, wound up in love, and now have the marriage certificate to prove it. Weddings are always amazing events to me, because they bring two families together in the start of a new family. How amazing is that! I was blessed to be a part of the wedding party, and am so thankful for the time I had with Michelle in the days leading up to her wedding. 

The wonderful couple

Even more so, I was able to see part of my family! Not all of the Newberry clan was there--which was hard, since the last time we were all together was so long ago I cannot remember it. Even though we have issues (and honey, trust me, everybody on the planet has issues), they are still my family, and I still love them. A friend recently posted on facebook Proverbs 17:17, which says, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." Amazing, isn't it, how one verse of Scripture can sum up something as complicated as family? Love it. 

Some, but not all, of the Newberry grandchildren

So I started this week in a state of withdrawal...I miss the family. I mean, I love these people, and desperately wish they were all physically closer to me! With some in Memphis, some in Huntsville, and some in California, it is so hard to separate myself from them at the end of visits. We may drive each other crazy, but they are family, and at the end of the day, I love them, no matter what has happened between us. I had tears in my eyes as I left my aunt and uncle's house, simply because I wanted to stay and enjoy my family. My heart was overflowing on Saturday. 

Amazingly, this story is not done. Last night my heart was again filled to overflowing with joy and love, praise God. 

Last night, at worship, a picture was so worth a thousand words, that Chip wanted to make sure we fully understood the love Christ has for us, that He is the bridegroom, and the Church is His bride, that we had a wedding. On Wednesday night. A real wedding. Right after the groom was baptized. Oh, did I mention it was a surprise to the church?! 

I so wish you could have been there if you are only hearing about this. I think you could hear a collective gasp from the congregation when the groom walked up onto the altar. I realize a wedding can hit different people in different places, and after well-meaning people constantly reminded me I was the only adult Newberry grandchild not married this weekend, I was surprised how I reacted to the realization of what was happening at church. I was so excited for the bride and groom, so excited to be given the chance to "crash" their wedding. And yes, I cried. Like I said earlier, weddings are amazing to me, even when I have been recently asked countless times when my wedding will happen. (It helps to have a man to marry...just sayin...and I'm leaving that one up to God. It will happen when it happens.)

And last night--oh, I so wish everyone reading this could have been there!--I was reminded about how much God loves me and you in a way that I have never experienced before. I wish I had adequate words; all I can say is God answered my prayer to reveal Himself to me in a new, fresh way! The love between a man and wife...God's love for us goes so much deeper than that, but is the picture we have of how much He does love us. It is such a beautiful, mind-boggling thing, that I am overwhelmed by the sheer thought of it...which I kind of love. It can be so easy to try to limit a limitless God, due to our finite minds. (The finite trying to limit the infinite...does anyone else see a problem with that? I do, and yet I am still guilty of it.) On this night, the limits placed on God's love were obliterated. Chip said it this way about those who follow Christ, "We don't have to be perfect, because we are forgiven. God has accepted us just as we are, and He is enough for us."

Afterwards, my friends asked me what I thought...and as words escaped me, a silly grin and "It was amazing," was about the only thing I could say about the wedding. But to be reminded that the God of the universe loves me more than a husband loves his wife, and gave Himself up for me...there are no words for that. Those flaws I mentioned at the start of this post, Christ knows about them. He actually went to the cross for them. And no matter how much I may feel inadequate because of them, He sees them and accepts me. When I am in tears over them, slumped into a ball on the floor, with my hands covering my eyes, He accepts me. He loves me. More than I can understand, He loves me. And that is all I really need. The God of the universe loves me, and accepts me through Christ's sacrifice and resurrection. The infinite Creator, the LORD ALMIGHTY, I AM WHO I AM...He loves me and you. He accepts me and you. I have no words. Tears, gratefulness, laughter, a heart overflowing, yes. Words? Not so much. His love renders me speechless. 

So, on that note, I end this post. I hope you know that if you have surrendered to Christ, just how much He loves you. I hope you have been reminded of His great love for you. And if you have never experienced Christ's forgiveness, well, I pray you come to know just how much God loves you and longs to have a relationship with you through Christ. 

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life. ~John 3:16

The List

Some of you may have already seen the content of this post, but after consideration, I took down the first one knowing I would re-write it. "Too wordy" is a common trait in my writing, so I hope to condense this post that is dear to me. And since it's Nurses' Week, and all, I figured this would be an appropriate time to post it.

Work. You gotta love it, right? 

...Wait, you mean to tell me you don't always love work?! Are you kidding me?!

One of the hardest parts of being a PICU nurse, for me at least, is the inability to share with friends and family what it is I do. They know I'm a PICU nurse, and they know most days I enjoy what I do...but they don't know what I actually do. Given the fact HIPPA rules the roost when it comes to sharing any medical information, they will never know what I actually do. But, dear friends, I hope what I am about to share helps in some small way. Below is a list of things I have learned in the past four years in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. While vague and completely unspecific, these items do offer a glimpse into my world--the knowledge base we are given starting out, having to apply that knowledge in real life situations, and seeing what PICU nurses know get played out in real life.

Anyway, so, like I said, in honor of Nurses' Week, here is the list:

I know what happens to the body when ejected from a vehicle.

I know what happens to the body when sepsis takes over.

I know what happens to the body when the heart is failing to do its job. 

I know what a traumatic brain injury does to the body. 

I know what happens to the body when the respiratory system gets sick. 

I know what happens to the body when the cardiovascular system gets sick. 

I know what happens when the kidneys stop doing their job. 

I know what happens when the body cannot use/make insulin in order to convert glucose to energy.

I know what happens when the brain comes under severe increased pressure due to outside trauma.

I know what happens when cancer takes over the body.

I know what death looks like.

I know what the cries of parents sound like that are holding their child for the last time.

I know what it is like to pray over a family that is losing their child to illness. 

I have seen what “ejected from the vehicle” looks like. One case in particular haunts me, and is the very reason I will never get behind the wheel of a car after having even a single drop of alcohol.

I have seen traumas that have made me want to dry heave because the kid was so beaten and bruised.

I have seen sepsis take over to the point of the body not being able to keep up with basic life functions, and needs help.

I have seen a heart that can only quiver it is so sick--to say it is “pumping blood” is a huge exaggeration. This heart that quivers, we marvel that it still does anything that actually perfuses the body.

I have seen the heart beating within the chest cavity because the chest cavity needs to remain open for the heart to get better.

I have seen a machine and a tube take over the work of the respiratory system because the lungs are so sick.

I have seen a continuous medication infusion keep someone’s blood pressure up to keep them alive.

I have seen a machine continuously filter a person’s blood because the kidneys were too sick to do it for the body.

I have seen a machine take over the function of the heart and lungs...and kidneys. 

I have seen the brain so bruised and damaged that its pressures go beyond what is compatible with life.

I have seen death come in a flash, and no matter what medicine and nursing care is thrown at the situation, death still takes over.

I have seen death come slowly, lingering over someone as they fight as long as they can.

I have had to look a parent in the eye and tell them how very sorry I am for the loss of their child.

I have wept.

But that is not all I have seen. That is not all that I know.

I have seen a child survive a car crash others did not survive. I have seen a child that should not be alive because of a wreck not only survive, but recover.

I have seen a child battle sepsis and live to tell the tale.

I have seen a quivering heart replaced with a new one.

I have seen that child with an open chest cavity get better.

I have seen heart surgery save a child's life.

I have seen those lungs heal and that “breathing machine” became no longer necessary.

I have seen a cardiovascular system get better so medications are no longer needed to keep the blood pressure where it should be.

I have seen kidneys get better. 

I have seen a child with a brain bleed survive...when they were lucky to survive the injury that caused it in the first place.

I have seen a neurosurgery that removed the brain tumor.

I have seen general surgery fix the broken bones and stop the bleeding caused by trauma.

I have seen surgery save the child's life.

I have seen a child’s cancer treatment work.

I have seen infection go away.

I have seen a child fight for their life--and can say, this time, their body won.

Hey, guess what?! This list is not over:

I have seen the power of God Almighty do miracles that medicine cannot explain.

I have had the family of a child who is now at the feet of Jesus thank me for caring for their child, but they didn't know how much of an honor it was to care for the child and this family. To this day, I don’t think they know how much they mean to me.

I have had a child that should not be alive come running up to me and give me a hug and a smile that melted my heart, and every time I think about this kid, I have to smile (and try not to cry).

I have had kisses blown my way by a child whose unfortunate description once was, “death warmed over.”

I have had a mom cry into my arms as I quote Psalm 23 over her, and the peace of God overtake her.

I have played with children that should be with Jesus, but He graciously gave them a second chance at life on earth. 

I know the One that holds life and death in His hands. I know the one that provides healing, whether it be on this earth, praise God, or complete healing by taking the person to be with Him. 

I know the One that has put me where I am, allowed me to do the things I have done, see the things I have seen, and still be able to come back to work day after day, night after night, and enjoy my job...and dare I say, love my job.

Happy Nurses' Week!